Christmas warmth and joy :)

I'm so glad I went to church this weekend- it was the perfect weekend.
Friday- youth group! the Holy Spirit is very powerful.. we're protected from everything.
So yesterday, for TAF Chicago, we went to go ring Salvation Army bells in front of Walmart. at first, I didn't think it would be much fun.. and what do you know, it actually was!
not to mention, it left everyone with a sort of warm and fuzzy feeling on the inside. because you know the money being donated is going to a good cause, and you're doing good for the world.
suprisingly.. a lot of people gave money. more than I expected. like, some people, I looked at them, and I didn't expect them to donate or put some money in the bucket, and they did.
I think this just goes to show, that you really can't ever judge someone by their appearances.
besides the 'warm and fuzzy' feeling, it was just a fun experience in general.
I'd gladly do it again.
I think anything's fun with a group of friends. you're always going to find a way to make whatever you're doing fun.
this day made me really happy. I was helping a good cause, and having fun with it.
if we were going to do something, no matter how much we didn't want to do it in the first place.. we have to do it anyway, so why not use your whole heart and energy to do it?
the thing is.. I found myself having so much fun, and wanting to do it. more and more.
from singing and jumping around and dancing, I was trying to get people to donate money, and when they did, I felt a sense of accomplishment. it was kind of great.
in all, this experience of Salvation Army ringing bells was really fun. I'd like to do it again.

Highlights of the Night:

• The mom pushing the cart with the kid in it into the post while looking at us.
  
• the kid running into the post, just on his own, by looking at us. aren't we attractive.. :)
• me going.. "I LIKE YOUR HAT!" to that one kid.. and then he ran into the post. and then he started crying. I felt horrible, but it was pretty funny.
  
• Jeff and the candles. thanks again!
  
• me dumping wax all over myself while dancing and spinning around hahaha.
  
• the snow, wait, no snow.. wait YES it's snowing!!
  
• Festivus for the Rest of us!
• Phil- nailing a snowball, right at my mouth.
  

it was a great night. warmth, fuzziness, love, and joy. all in one night. who could ever ask for more?

deviant-art.

HEY THERE.
ever heard of a thing called deviantart?!
well.. check mine out?
hahahaha - superbahtzang.deviantart.com

pls&thank you (:
byeeee! loves.

Thanksgiving 2009.

I know this is late, but I've been kind of busy, with all these tests/quizzes coming up. blargh.
-------------------------------------------------------
THANKSGIVING
was the best I've ever known it to be.
then again, this year was the first year we had that family reunion, so that might be part of it.
I woke up Thanksgiving morning, thinking it would be the same, old, boring like every year.
it wasn't.
first, in the morning I went to go see 2012 with my friend Sami, Ani, and her friend Melissa.
but that's not what made my Thanksgiving. though I liked it.
I knew we had a family reunion to go to that night.. but to tell the truth, I wasn't expecting much.

at the other family reunion/gettogethers, I was usually the odd one out.. the young, little cousin who didn't really talk much. I have that side. haha, hard to picture right?! er. hopefully. anyway- I was always that shy, little cousin in the corner at the family reunions who just listens on and is in her own little world. and listens to the older people, maybe talk a little bit. but that's it.

I thought it'd be the same old. just like that. me, alone. I remember one year, we were all eating, this was for Christmas. but we were eating and it was like a little oval- like thing, and we were all eating, all the cousins, that is. I don't have cousins my age, so I just hang out with the old kids. makes me feel young, but s'okay. anyway- they were all talking and I remember just listening on, wanting to talk but not doing it.

well. it was different. not so suprisingly, kind of? like. it was fun. I talked more than I thought I would.. still felt like the youngest, but who said that was ever a bad feeling? heehee, we watched movies.. played games.. it was fun.

I'm not going to go through the evening and tell you EVERYTHING that happened, but basically we watched 2 movies & played Signal for the rest of the night.

in the end, I had a lot of fun.

it was different. and for some reason, I know it'll be better, when Christmas comes.

did I ever tell you- these family get togethers are why I'm always so excited for the holidays?
& church celebrations, but the family get togethers contribute quite a bit.

I love the warm feeling when you're with family, having a blast.

that's what I'm thankful for.

my family and friends who I know are always there for me, no matter how much I think they're not.

thanks, everyone.

I know it's late, but the feelings are the same.

this is what I'm thankful for.

family.

friends.

life.

my love for TCC.

everything has to end.
I know I posted a similar post to this a while back, but I've thought more since then.
I had a great day today. I went to church, I felt the bond.
I felt, I saw. I witnessed.
you don't know how many times during church I teared up. sooo many times. twice when we were on stage singing, once during the lesson, and several during lunch/park.
my church is a place of shelter. comfort. yes, it's the house of God. there, in that place, we worship God, sing praises.
you could follow rules, but you don't have to believe.
but see, the thing is.. we all believe.
and that makes the bond inside us stronger.
we're closer than the normal group of people.
no matter where we go, I always know that my true friends are with TCC youth.
that sounds generic, doesn't it?
if you think about it.. how many people do you know who have a group of friends they can tell EVERYTHING to, and expect them to always be there, and comfort you?
you may think, "A lot of people have that." but, truly?
we're so closely knitted, we've been through so much together- pain, tears, fights.. these are the best people I could ever have. I can't even describe the love that's in us. we can play together, and when we're upset.. I know I'll always have someone who will TRULY care about me, TRULY listen to me, and TRULY comfort me. sometimes.. you don't have that. sometimes it's just someone saying "Oh, Maria, Are you Okay?!?!" and when you tell them what's wrong, they don't really do anything. they might not be able to.. but all they do is just walk away. I've had that happen to me a lot. pouring your heart out, and getting nothing in return. there's memories made EVERYWHERE in our church.. and the whole place just makes me happier.

I can't even describe the love that I felt today. this day will keep me happy until the next time I see you guys. I'll miss you a lot.. but I know you'll be there, and when I get back.. let's live it up.

It never lasts.
Happiness.
just take it while you got it.
and enjoy.
live it up!
enjoy the little things.
cherish the memories made.
don't brood or hold a grudge.
don't be sad for long.
happiness.
it never lasts.

IMEA '09.

IMEA 2009!

was actually pretty fun.
Ann Green was there. my friend from last year! and I made a new friend- Haelie.
I actually felt pretty popular. made a new browndark haired friend- JEREMYYYY!
hahah, Maja was there too, we hung out.
& Annie! that was like the basic crew.

the thing that struck me the most was the IMEA band was SO good. so UNBELIEVEABLY good. we had a PennU band director and right when we got there we sounded amazing.

overall, it was a great night.
I'm exhausted.. but it was great. :)

thoughts.

we always want what we know we can't have.
no matter how much you want it,
you know you can't have it.

enjoy the little things.

you know how everybody has their crappy days, crappy weeks?
there's a period of time where everyone's on their low.. doesn't matter how it happened, why it happened, or how low you are.
you're upset.. and your self esteem is down in the pits, you find yourself feeling lonely, and just not happy.
maybe some people haven't been there. you're lucky.
where you feel like everything in your life is falling apart, and you don't think you're worth much.
you feel like you should just lose hope and get over it.

well, recently I saw an R rated movie that was funny, inappropriate, and inspiring at the same time.

it told us to "enjoy the little things." there's always going to be something in life that upsets us. something in life that's not exactly what we want.

but open your eyes. and then you'll see that there's more to life than grades.. or drama.. or anything like that. not that that's not important! stay in school. but worrying about it isn't going to help. enjoy the little things. every single little moment.. cherish it, hold on to it. I know that sounds generic.. everyone says things like this.. but it's in your saddest, most painful moments when you're really down. thinking terrible thoughts, about yourself, and everything. recently I've noticed that noticing and remembering, reminiscing on the good times, thinking about memories.. it makes you happier. makes you forget about all that's happening.. at least for a while. and it helps. enjoying every little thing.. maybe a smile, or just something good that happened to you. enjoying the little things. it opens your eyes.. you see the world from a happier perspective. sometimes happy things don't necessarily have to be big. all around you, good things are happening. sometimes we just don't slow down enough to notice.

I've noticed that sometimes the little things can mean the most. ENJOY those moments. make it a memory. and when you're sad and down and feeling bad.. you'll notice that most of the time, it's those little words, those little things that make you smile and feel better.

there's memories made around every corner. sometimes we've just got to slow down, open our eyes, enjoy the little things in life, and forget the bad.. make a memory.. even if it will only last for a while.


because in the end.. that's what you'll remember the best.

the balance beam we call 'life'.

life's usually pretty straightforward. to be general, all you need to do is get past a few steps, and live it out.. and then we meet someone, fall in love, have a family, and die.

but even though those may be what we call the 'guidelines' of life, there's a broader and even larger picture here. think of life as a balance beam. there's obstacles. either if it's rocks in your way, or maybe a step that's missing, or maybe a piece of wood that's wobbly and about to fall off.. you've just got to find your balance and be able to jump over it.. either alone, or if you're lucky, you've got someone holding your hand.
hey, guess what. you do have someone holding your hand. and that someone is Jesus. even in the times when we think we're alone, in the times where we're crying, asking for help, wanting someone to go to or somewhere to go, he's there. you may not notice, you may not know. he's always there with you. by your side. no matter how lonely you feel. even when you are surrounded by many people, masking your feelings. he knows. he is there. with you. every step of the way. you've got to know that Jesus will never abandon you, he will never leave you. when you feel alone, he's there. he's carrying you, holding your hand, leading you step by step.

sometimes, you're on a hill. and you're standing at the edge of the curb, on a hill. you climb taller and taller, going through life, or your day. as you climb taller, there's a point where you look down and you start getting afraid. getting afraid that you're going to fall off; getting afraid that you're going to fall, afraid that something might happen. some people, on their first tries climbing off that hill, they step off, turn around, and go back down, afraid and not willing to take the risk of going up that hill, that extra step. but force yourself to go up that hill. force yourself to take the step onto that second ledge, the one that's higher than the ground you were just on. because once you get to the top, you'll realize that you can balance through the whole thing, and you're proud of yourself. you've gotten to the top, and now all you can do is go down. getting to the top is hard. looking back and looking down, while attempting to climb to the top.. I was scared to take the next step. step onto the next ledge, on the hill that would bring me higher above ground. I was so scared I would fall off. I ended up turning around and stepping on to normal ground. I decided that there was no point in giving up; I admit I fell a few times.. gladly, I fell to the side where there was support. think about that. in life, we fall. we all fall. it might be a bad fall.. sometimes it might just be a little stumble. the ones that stumble, consider yourselves lucky. but the ones who fall all out; fall down the hill, fall off the ledge.. it takes a while to get back up, doesn't it? even MORE obstacles in your way, either it be pain or suffer.. either way, you know you have to get back up. we all fall. don't even deny it. you might think that your life is fine.. sooner or later, you're going to fall. but after you fall, it can't get any worse. there still are obstacles.. but you've learned that there's nothing to fear- you can balance, and even if you fall.. it'll be easier to get up.

Life is like that. we all fall down, once in our life. or maybe more than once. there's SO MANY obstacles in life; a rock in your way, a plank of wood not securely fastened.. that's how you get stronger. you fall, but you get stronger. the obstacles- we learn to overcome.

Jesus is with us. through our whole journey. he holds our hand.. he spots us when we stumble and falls. he helps us get up.. but we have to help ourselves first. he holds us when we fall.. and he makes us stronger. he puts these obstacles and falls in our life, in order to make us learn. for us to become stronger, and have strong faith in Him. we grow in faith when we fall. we grow in hope.

Jesus is always with us. You and Me. No matter what. at your lonliest times, at your busiest times. Always. holding your hand.

the necessity of hope.

is it true that wishes come true on 11:11?
well.. what if it's 11/11/09?
ahaha, not that a wish came true today. but something good did come out of this day.
not just no school.. I actually WANTED school, home life isn't all that great right now.
-
sometimes my hopes get dragged down all the way to the bottom and I somewhat lose hope, lose the faith.. but then something good happens and I just get all my hopes back, I'm ecstatic, and I rise up to Cloud 9.
and then it goes back down again. eventually, the happiness has to end.
why is that?
why is it that every time something good happens..
we know that something bad is coming.
no matter how great that moment or memory was..
I just can't be happy for too long.. I know something's going to ruin it.
so the only thing I can actually do is just not be too excited, not get my hopes up.
what's the point in hope, then?
if we can't get our hopes up without knowing that something else is following..
what's the point in hoping at all?
why not just put your hopes on the bottom.. Or in the middle, at least, so that things can't get any worse?
but sometimes I just can't help it, I get too happy.. too excited..
and the next thing I know, I'm down in the pits.
for the TCCers.. remember one of Elias' lectures for me.
about, well.. Constant-ness in life.
how we had to put everything in Jesus, put all our faith in God.. and eventually, everything turns out fine, and there's no more of this roller coaster of life?
but isn't life all about obstacles and getting over them?
as the cart's rolling up.. maybe there are obstacles we need to overcome, once we get to the top, we're on top of the world.. we can see everything, we're ecstatic..
but then, we know it can't last. We roll down the tracks, at super speed, and sooner or later you’re back down. And it’s repetitive.
It’s happy moments like these where I think about the importance of hope.. Because to tell you the truth, before today I had completely lost hope and I told myself to get over it.
And then something like this happens, and I’m back on the ‘hope’ track.
I’m not saying that hope is bad. We all need hope. NEED. In order to want something, we all need the hope that one day we’ll get it. It’s the drive, the motivation that keeps us going for the prize. But what if one day you lose hope? And then suddenly.. You start hoping again.

Way to be bipolar, Hope.

jealousy and worth.

so I was thinking today.. do you realize how easily people become jealous?
you can say that you don't.
but I know I do. I get jealous when people have great skill.. and I want to be just like them. but I know inside that I can't do it. even if it's art, or music.. there's always someone better than you, and I guess you just have to strive to be as good as them.

sometimes I think that there is nothing for me in the world.. nothing I'm good at.
and maybe that's true. but that doesn't mean you, or me, should give up and stop trying. I realized that. just because you may have been told that you are stupid/bad/worthless etc., it doesn't mean you should stop trying.
prove yourself to those people who don't believe you.
make them take back their words.
show them who you really are, and who you can be.
don't be scared to show yourself.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately.. but I'm just in a very weird situation now a days. I'm really worried about what people think of me. usually.. I just go off being weird and shrug off weird looks/comments. now.. it always hits me hard. not hard, necessarily.. just differently. I think it's high school. or maybe I'm just needing a dose of TAF to remind me who I am. either or, I just have to tell myself that I'm proud of what I am. and you know what. I am. it's surprising. even though it hits me when people make fun of me.. I laugh WITH them. I don't know. I just gotta get over it. it's just a moment.


olive juice guys. spread some more love.
goodnight. have a good week!

halloween.

this year was good. brilliant.
I was a nerd in the morning for the football game; I was smart & wore shorts (:
then I changed into a gangster at night!
the football game was fun. lets just say I'm pretty crazy when I'm cold. Deger found that out today. and Dillard. them cool cats.
Joseph and I wore sunglasses while trick-or-treating.
yeah, I know you think we're super cool. aha and then we practiced walking like gangsters down my sidewalk; lets just say my pants were down pretty low. ;P
I had shorts under, no worries. (:
I got 1/4 of a pillowcase full of candy.
we went to my house & watched Scary Movie 3 and ate my ramen. speaking of, there is no more.
overall, really good night.

it's all good.

this weekend.

was actually pretty awesome! :D
TAF CHICAGOOOO made it beast. aha. but otherwise.. I had fun! church was fun as always & today we went and saw where the wild things are with Dorothy & Tiff, after eating yummy food at Benihana.
"If only this wasn't a fancy restaurant.. I would SO write on the bathroom stalls!"
the movie was amazing! I was bawling ahaha, and then out of no where I hear Tiffany start LAUGHING.. apparently, that was her way of crying.
we established that that movie has mood swings.
it was hilarious, we were in hysterics.
& then we watched a bit of Toy Story in 3D.
lets just say SOMEONE will have a great birthday ;D

worth.

you know those songs that make you feel so passionate and you just want to explode?
my friend made one of those songs- it's really good. kudos to you, Dorothy.

there's so much talent in the people around us, and sometimes I can't help thinking that compared to them I'm just not worth much. I don't know WHY I think it.. maybe it's just how many times I tell myself that or how many times I hear it from other people.. but when my friends are using their talents it just hits me that I don't have any.. and it's a big downer.
I mean, sure, maybe I'm not too shabby at flute.. but what good is it? how will it help me in the future? and I'm not that great at school either.. my future is looking especially dim right about now.
whatever. sometimes I just start thinking and from there everything goes down.

love you all!

masks.

so I was watching the mask on ABC Family today. it got me thinking. figuratively.

think about how hard people try to make a good impression. a good FIRST impression. and more importantly.. how to KEEP that impression. I know personally, that it's hard. I sometimes try to make a good first impression that's not necessarily the real me, it's more like what I want to portray to that certain group of people. and then, once we do become friends.. I show my true self, and it's just not the same. I find myself, having to change my mindset between groups of friends. there's a group where I can just joke around, being myself and chill.. and another where I have to pretend I'm 'cool' in order for people to talk to me, or, even, LOOK at me. I find myself, at the end of the week, thinking back on the week, and reminiscing of all the times. and the good times are always the times when I'm with my particular group of friends and I am able to be myself, and not faking who I really am. weekends are a break for me. I am able to just stay at home.. go to church.. and to tell the truth, I'm more myself. at school.. I'm just trying to get past the day without being a complete loser/loner.

plus, i realized these past few months that people hurting your self esteem, isn't that hard. with what's going on at home & at school, I lost it in Biology the other day when, some people could say my 'best friend' Andrew called me stupid. usually, I just shrug it off, and think of it in a joking matter, but being especially crabby that day because of the stress put on me by the end of quarter tests, after he said "Maria, I don't want to be your partner, you're just so STUPID.", I completely was offended. it shocked myself. i usually just keep in all my feelings & everything that's going on, I'm not the type of person that wants other people to be worried or feel bad for me. I'd rather them not be burdened with what i feel, and to be cautious around me. 'cept, that day, I completely lost it. after glaring at him and a meaningful 'screw you' at his way, I just ignored him completely, and talked to Jack. I felt terrible. he was one of my best friends, and even though he calls me stupid all the time, and (I don't think he's often kidding,) i usually just brush it off. Out of all my friends, he's the friend that's actually cheered me up. and he doesn't even have it that bad. my friend steven calls me stupid every time he can. andrew.. well.. he just says it in a really disgusted way, as in hinting that i was disgustingly stupid and should be smarter. well, I completely blew it. and then, i was fine. i usually just brush these things off, so it was nothing big. it just hit me the next day why i broke.. i think that after hearing something so much.. you actually learn to believe it. why i'm doing so bad in classes? something came across me the other day.. i figured out.. that i don't care about some of my classes as much. why is that? i used to care so much. cry when i got a B, be so estatic when i got an A. what happened to me. i think it got to me. 'stupid.' the word. everything. i'm still shrugging it off, whenever people say it to me.. and just because I don't show it.. doesn't mean i don't feel it.

just blogging - I'm not saying that you shouldn't call me stupid, see this is why I don't like sharing my feelings. i feel like, once people know.. they're crutched. crippled. however you want to put it. they have to watch what they're saying next to me, whether in pity or whatever. i'd rather not. just be yourselves, please, thats what i love the most of you all.
thank youu so much. when i'm down.. you guys bring me up.
i never go down as far as i do.. this is my own problem, i just decided to rant.

thank you. I love you guys with all my heart.

TAF Chicago <3

intense game of ninja. hells yeah.
we had TAF chicago today (:
it was beautiful. I was pretty proud of myself - thanks to Erin for actually letting me step up, I must admit I wasn't feeling too great about myself at the time and having the ability to step up and start the LET ME SEE THAT FUNKY CHICKEN thing was just priceless.
ahaha and I failed miserably today - Me & Erin apparently, according to Allen, had a 'fail' war, and WE TIED. though apparently she won. and then I yelled at Allen. and THEN we tied. see how this works?! :D
anyway. I loved Taf chicago, it was awesome! Veronica came this time, ahaha, it's like a tradition of ours to have a Michiganer at Taf chicago every month - without a Michiganer it's just not right. aha we watched ratatouille. it was actually hilarious. anyway. uhm. DING HAOOOOOO :] the food was AMAZINGGGG - ahaha I had a rice bun. thats it. and milk tea. but it was a pretty good rice bun, I must say. ahaha andddd what else happened - well ALOT, we played so much ninja! it was beautiful.

TAF Chicago just made me miss TAF so much more - but I'm happy I got a day to relive the experience the TAFlove and how I could just be myself & "assertive" (eric.) without anyone judging me. after half a year of judgement, it felt nice to be appreciated. at school, we're always being judged and we always have to PRETEND to be someone we're not, in order to fit in or keep your friends. at least, I do. I needed a dose of TAF to remind me that if people don't like myself, then they're not worth being my friends. I'm so glad I have TAF - today was seriously the highlight of my week, it was so much fun! not to mention, I'm pretty proud; before I got to TAF chicago I was so worried; I was having thoughts running through my head, as in what if people don't like me, what if people think I'm weird and obnoxious.. and to tell the truth, I heard last month there were posse's. more like, groups of people who hung out. before I went to TAFchicago today, I was hoping there wasn't. that, and I hoped that it wouldn't be awkward with me there. I admit, there were moments when I would say something totally weird and I'd just get a '...' in response, but it's okay. I hope I made SOME people laugh.. if I didn't then I guess I just fail at life. or in allen's words, I fail at failing. long story. but what stuck me today was that at TAF, after we did our cheer/chant thing.. I was kinda scared to do it. I was hoping that everyone would forget and I didn't have to do it.. but Erin, that doll, she started it and my last thought was oh, what the heck. thank you. I couldn't have wished for better friends. after starting it I realized that people were watching.. and well, laughing. it made me kinda happy. then I realized that my voice was the only one going on, and when I stopped it was dead quiet. then I got nervous again. my voice sounds manly. just kidding. but I did get self conscious of my voice. but after that.. I realized that no matter what you do, the TAF love is conditional.. and it never stops. I admit.. I was shocked today, when I was leaving.. and people that I don't even normally TALK TO or hang out with said bye to me. yeah, I'm easily satisfied. I guess I was just happy that I broadened my horizon of friends a bit - I prefer not to stay in groups and just not mingle.
Thank you all, even though I know like, NO ONE reads my blogs aha, I promise I'll be updating these more.. to forever who reads.
it made me miss TAF more- but today will get me through this next month fine. (:

thank you so much, I love you all, SO much.
taf <3.>

September 2nd, 2009.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK CHEN!
and me too, but its alright :) hahaha

anyway. TODAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY! I was so excited. its funny. 'cause usually I don't really care about my birthday, its no big deal, my friends make no deal about it either, but this year I was so pumped. apparently my friend was going to get me something huge even though I said it was fine, and we had spent an hour arguing about it the other day.
it was a basic day, the only people who remembered my birthday/knew about it was my friends and even then Andrew + Steven forgot, THANKS GUYS. anyway. haha. in marching band it all started; everyone knew it was my birthday when at lunch THEY ALL SANG TO ME. haah. it was embarrassing but pretty amusing. :) and I made a new friend. :D
hahaha, and my friend gave me raisinets omg and sour patch kids + CUPCAKES. aha. they were gooood :)
anyway. blahblahblah, and then that night @ marching band practice Elise + Tessa took me out to get pizza & I SAW SAM OMG. haha he's awesome, I swear, he was skateboarding & we talked for a bit. :]
he's awesome. and thennnn we slacked off for flute sectionals which was actually pretty fun; Kathleen got me FLAGGGS :D and hahaha the whole band started singing to me.
hahah it was fun. :)
I had the best birthday ever.
thanks for all of the birthday wishes, guys.
:D

RandomBloggage (:

yooooooooo !
MY STOMACH AND HEAD HURTS.
well anyway, I went to South Dakota last week ! :D
with my uncle, aunt, and my friend Liz.
it was funnnnn! :D
we did a lotta stuff, but it feels good to be home.
pictures up on facebook soon.
TAFTAFTAF is soon <3
GAAAH I'm so excited (:
WOOOOOOOOOO ! (:
gah. I'll blog more later SWIM MEET TOMORROW, I'm exciteddddd ! :]
holllerrrr.

Faith, Love, Hope, Joy.

Elias` last message today.. was so thought provoking.
With Faith, you know you have a spot in Heaven.. and there's no need to be sad, about anything.
God loved us with all his heart, and it is to a point where it is just unbelieveable.
You've gotta have hope. through everything.
and once you believe and know what God has done for us, you'll find yourself in a position where you're truly Joyful.
----------------
I was so sad today..
it was our last youth group. and yes, I cried.to tell the truth, this was a really sad moment for me. Elias is leaving, and after so many good times and a year of making wonderful memories, he's leaving our Youth Group.. and chicago. Elias, I'm going to miss him so much!!! We talk every day, and even though now it's deep talk, deep talk just brings us closer together.
& He is able to make me feel special about myself.. he's there to listen, especially when I needed someone to talk to and listen to me rant.
Those deep conversations we have, I will remember forever.
I'm not afraid to be myself around youth group - and youth group has been so much fun since he came. sometimes we could talk for hours, and we do. its always fun talking to you, never boring. Elias.. we're going to miss you sooo much. when we were singing together at youth group Friday.. It hit me that it was the last time we would ever sing together.. and the last YOUTH GROUP we'd ever have with you..
ELIAS I WISH YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE!!!!!
you don't know how much we all are going to miss you!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN THE BEST YOUTH GROUP LEADER EVER!!!!!!!!!
T________T
YOU BETTER COMEBACK AND VISIT.
WITH A GIRLFREND, AND PREFERABLY HAIR.
tehe, just kidding (:
but, yeah.. please do come back and visit.. and please go on AIM whenever you can. (:
IM GOING TO MISS YOU SO MUCH!
>< Have a safe trip & have fun in Taiwan!
:] SEE YOU LATER!

It's in His hands.

Everything is in God's hands. so there is no reason to be afraid, of anything.
If you believe in him, you know that he will take care of you.
and being Christians, God has taken our sentence, and forgiven us for the bad things we've done, because we're all sinners. whether we accept it or not, or believe it or not, we all are sinners.
and God sent his son, out of love for US, to die upon a cross and take our sentence.
and forgive us.
Anything that happens to you.. any suffering..
Jesus and others, had it worse.
Don't focus on the bad things.. go help others.
do as Jesus would do.
EVERYTHING IS IN GOD'S HANDS. there's no need to be afraid.
how bad your life is.. we have a Father up there that is amazing. the most amazing Father you could ever have.
and one day, we'll be up there, with him. our lives will be amazing.
so just live life. help others.
not for yourself. for them.
because no matter what you do, you won't be able to EARN Heaven..
Heaven was already given to you.

SHAVING CREAM FIGHT :D

hahaha it was amazing !
it was a great break from Thursday; thursday was torture!
hahaha it was so much fun, I got covered in shaving cream.
my hair was like a huge explosion of shaving cream & my eyes hurt alot because there was shaving cream all over my face too.
hahaha, and my butt ! lol, cynthia. that was hilarious! :D
anyway, after the shaving cream fight I was supposed to go home & hose myself off, but instead I got to go to becky's house and we got hosed off there. LOL, the hose was FREEEEZING, and becky had so much fun hosing me off LOL. =_=''
ahahaha it was so much fun though!
then we played with water balloons, and of course I was already soaked so I jsut got even more soaked, and so, even COLDER.
>-< hahahaha, but it was fun (: !
then afterwards, (it was cynthia, me, becky, justine, and mark) we went to cynthia's house where we had TACOSTACOSTACOS :D and hte other uncool people had cheesburgahs lol :P
I HAD FOUR TACOS, cus someone didn't want theirs :D hahaha
it was beautiful (:
then they walked home with me & THEEND.
i hope this is how the rest of my summer goes (:
SUMMER 2009, YO.

8th Grade Dance- 6/2/09.

THE TIME OF MY LIFE.

yes, that was the theme.

and I must say, pretty good theme too.

the 8th grade dance was amazing.

the time of my life, indeed.

what else would we do? we ate & then went crazeh on the dance floor !

from brdancing with steven to rocking out to Let it Rock with Joseph & Doing the single ladies dance with becky, the memories were all made on the dance floor.

we took pictures, well, of course we did.

no, the real polaroid pictures.

Anisa, Michelle, Maria, Cassandra, Brianna.

Cory, Steven, Andrew, Joseph, Maria, Michelle.

Cynthia, Justine, Maria, Katherine, Anisa, Cassandra, Samantha.

<3>

well.. so it was the same old same old.. Carrissa stepped on my foot three times with the heel of her high heels and it hurt really bad, but no biggie [: haha.

we did the cupid shuffle & the oneshakybutt one, LOL. it was amusing !

the dance was awesome. & of course there were slow dances. danced with no one. danced one dance with Joseph & that was it, haha. d:

DID THE SQUARE DANCE, that one was my favorite (:

hahaha ! it was amazingggg. alright. so here's the boom.

so, it was around 8:45 when the DJ (not the hot one, lol) said to get in a circle with our closest friends & people that we hung out with this year. The people next to me in our circle was Joseph & Becky. Of course, everyone else in my circle was aewsome, but I jsut had to tell you that

So you know that song, Graduation(friendsforever) by Vitamin C?

well they played it.

you know the chorus?

As we go on, we remember, all the times we had together. As our lives change, from whatever, we will still be friends forever.

and that just made me think. some of my friends are moving & going to different high schools. this whole year, the only people who helped me up when I fell were my friends. they were the people I had grown especially close to.. and this was the last day we'd have together as GMS middle schoolers. we were graduating the day after, and thats when we'd probably not go to the same school anymore. from good and bad times this year, we've also made some amazing fun memories.. and I didn't think I was ready to let go. And I wasnt. I loved my time at GMS.. I found myself. And I found my freinds too. the ones that could make me laugh & make me feel better, & the ones that I could tell my problems when I had no one else go to. What else can I say? all the times we had... good and bad.. we've all gotten so close, and now the journey's ended & we go our seperate ways. everyone was crying at the dance, I don't blame them; I was too.
I'll never forget you guys, don't forget me either please.

You guys made my life at GMS amazing, thank you for that.

Thanks for being there [:

I'm glad that most of my friends aren't moving..

but 2 of my closest friends are.

<3>

Hey, lets hang out over the summer. Even if its walking to the park & doing stuff, or maybe just meeting up somewhere and then dragging that day out, I'll be happy. [:

yay, class of 2009.

now, summer 2009. yuhready?! :]

Glenside Class of 2009 !

GRADUATION 2009!

...was a night to remember.
hahaha, I didnt cry at graduation, I was more EXCITED than sad. I got the JOHN PHILLIP SOUSA AWARD!! I was so excited, I was hoping to get it but I was so nervous.

And I felt sad, because last year, we were the ones playing the graduation song in band for the 9th graders and this year it was being played for us. that made me feel so asdfjk; i got so nervous..

but graduation was a night to remember. I was in honor roll, yuh! (: I couldn't say goodbye to everyone.. but we'll defintely haaaang over the summer [: haha ! I'm going to miss my teachers so much..

To Glenside Middle School Class of 2009:

We've had good times; we've had rough times. We've stuck together through it all, and now we've finally finished. Most of us are going seperate ways, no matter if its a friend moving or going to a different high school, it will never be the same.. not being able to say HEY to that exact friend or share good times with them in the hallway, they're going on another path and that's not going to change. So I realized that even though I may not be friends with every one of the graduating class of 2009.. I'll still miss you guys, the ones that aren't going to GBW. Becausewell, even if you don't know it, you've made a difference in my life, you've made an impact. Even if it was just exchanging a quick conversation or a smile, I found that I'll remember that..memories. of good ol` Glenside. The cramped 7th grade hallway. Sixflags. Cougars & Sox/Cubs games. All these memories, I know I'll never forget.

I love you guys.. and I hope I'll see most of you over the summer; we can hang (:

CONGRATS, GLENSIDE MIDDLE SCHOOL CLASS OF 2009!

I'll miss you guys. <3>

dancing extravaganza.

at church, on saturday we went to a dancing thing.
all the people had disabilities, either they were blind or they were missing a limb.
and yet.. they danced..
they danced with their hearts. you could tell.
the look on their faces, smiling, even though they couldn't see or they knew what everyone was looking at,
it was fantastic though!
they danced beautifully.
and the songs were amazing (:
it's one memorable night.

broken into splinters.

so.. our youth group has been amazing for like, the last year..
but so.. Elias is leaving end of June.
And you know, I don't know whats going to happen to our youth group after that.
Yeah, this was like the funnest yg`s we've ever had.
d: and the lessons are actually deep.. thought provoking.. they keep me interested too.
& he has many stories that are just fun.
haha, and we play cards together.. and after all these good times..
It's all coming to an end.
Cus you know what ?
Kevin's leaving too. And.. especially this month.. we've gotten exceptionally close.. he's told me everything and we've given each other advice.. we've had many good times and he's helped me as I helped him.. and we've become great friends.
He's leaving. for taiwan. this friday.
I want to say goodbye. but I cant.
He's not even staying for the lockin ! d: gaaah!
adsfjk;ljafiowekjsldfoiwjfsdjcfs.
I guess the good times just have to fade away, sometimes.

(but I'm making a farewell video. Not really. A YG video !)

everything has to come to an end.

everything.
2009 be ending, guys, we're graduating in less than 48 hours.
tomorrow's our 8th grade dance.
I can't wait, though, haha.
I'm going to be sad, to leave these halls of Glenside.
I mean sure, we've had our fights, and we've had our bad times with our friends,
but think of how many good times we've had here!
from the prune bowls,
to the parties,
to bonding with teachers,
making new friends,
finding ourselves..
it's all been in this journey.
and now the journey's ending.
in less than 48 hours, we'll be able to walk out of Glenside as the graduated class of 09.
-------------------------------------------------
enough depressing stuff, haha.
IM SO EXCITED for the dance ! i went dress shopping again ( last minute, I know, haha) but i got this amazing dress that I love! I think it looks great (:
& I can't wait for graduation either, but I'm nervous that I'm going to mess up !
haha, either that or trip on stage, haha ! d:
I'm still excited.. and yet sad.
whatta bittersweet ending ! I'll miss my teachers so much!
Mrs. Miceli, Mrs. Hoblik, Mrs. Schaudt, Mr. Schaudt, Mrs. Vana, they are my all time favorite teachers at Glenside.
wow, I'll miss them so much ! I better take pictures with them or I'll be super duper sad D;
hehe ! & I'll miss my 7th+8th grade friends too. I mean 6th, haha, sorry !
but yeah.. I'll tell you how graduation & dance went tomorrow !
eeeeep, I'm pretty excited (: and yet sad, remember ?
and yet nervous. hahaha, I don't know, lol.

CONGRATS, GLENSIDE CLASS OF 2009 ! :D

youth group :]

youth group on friday was brilliant !
hehe, it sucked that dorothy erin and kelly couldnt make it, it was awesome haha.
we always have fun in youth group (:
haha, so we went in Elias` car again ! and he has a burger king coupon for a whopper in his car LOL. and I couldn't figure out how to lock the doors so I kept opening them instead of locking them, the whole time while he had his keys hahaha ! so all I did was jsut attempt to lock the doors while the real person locking the doors was Tiffany who was sitting in the passenger seat next to me. haha, yes, I was in the drivers seat lol ! d: it was fun (:
anyway, then we had dinner and then even though there was pizza, all i ate was CARROTS. hahahaha it was great ! i decorated elias` cup into a masterpeice but he threw it away T-T
lol ! i snorted carrots up my nose .-. hahaha ! it was amusing. (btw, caraline does that too! I swear, we're twins haha.)
so then we did our thang ! and then after yg we played cards. heehee, we learned golf & elias failed, lol ! me and kevin did intense speed with everything from screaming and punching to yelling in chinese hahaha (: YUSSS.
what we learned..
GOD IS IN CONTROL.
and so there's no reason to be scared.
no reason to worry, because one day, we'll go to a place with no more pain, no more tears, and no more suffering.
so no matter if someone else doesnt' like you being Christian, or disagrees with what you believe in.. still.. be proud of being a Christian. be proud of what you believe. and stand for it.
and hope that that person will learn to believe to.
I can honestly relate.
ohboy, i love youth group. it stinks that we won't have it this week ]:

more blogs coming right up, sirs! (: holler.

these few days,

have been pretty bomb !
on thursday we went to sixflags; it was funnn ! (:
hahaha, then right after that i hung out at school for half an hour + chilled, lawl !
d: andthennn, the awards banquet for band started, and everyone signed my yearbook.
except for sean ! ERGH. haha. KODAK SPILLED COKE ALL OVER MY YEARBOOOK ! + he ruined a whole page too ._.
haha, awiodsjfkaweokf. kidding (: anyway ! then, lalala, CARBONATED CANDY = BRAH.
hahah it was hilarious ! d: "Does it make a sound ?" *bouncebounce* " yeah, it does." hahaha !
and guess what ?!
I GOT MOST OUTSTANDING BAND MEMBER AWARD ! i was so excited ! i had no idea it was gonna be meeee ! IT WAS BOMB. and then mrs. miceli gave me the prettiest necklace ever; i've been wearing it since.
:] then TODAYY, we had a bbq at erics house ! IT WAS SO MUCH FUNNN. (: caraline went ~ she's my long lost sister, haha.
dude ! DYLAN IS THE CUTEST EVARRRR. he was attacking me :] and smacking me with cones and his toy car, it was adorable! he kissed me + held on to my leg. (don't worry, he's like 5. haha.) but he's ADORABLE. haha, he called me ugly compared to KEVIN + elias ! that was crazeh, lawl. but I love him. <3>
I kinda wish he was my little brother. but he's not. ]:
gaaaah ! and then we went to tiff's dance recital, which was AWESOME ! tiffany is the best dancer EVER. she just gets so into it and she has so much passion for it lawl.
she looks so funny with makeup- we took so much pictures of it LOOOL and the bathroom one haha !
THEN WE HAD NOODLES AND VIVI`S CAKE. to die for. <3 hahaha. it was sooo goood (:
Gaaah, long day, I'm pooped ! holler (:

Chinese School Graduation = FAIL.

Hahaha ! WE GRADUATED CHINESE SCHOOL, YEY :D
Heehee, we don't have to go anymore~ woot !
I guess its somewhat depressing though; we had so much fun this year with the CANDY & the teachers, haha.
+ I feel like this year everyone became closer friends, yaknow ?
like, we hung out with everyone !
& now we're never gonna see them again. too late, huh ?
yeah. So Lihan & Jackie; we've gotta haaang !
hahaa. :3 we bettar. i mean, yeah, i'm excited that we graduated chinese school but its sad that we can't see anyone anymore. :[
Blaaaah !
Meanwhile, my 我的世界 project was ULTIMATE FAAAIL. Haha, my sound system didn't work, so I had to narrate it. The narration was the failure part.
I ran outta things to say, so basically I'm just standing there waiting for the pictures to roll by.
as if that wasnt embarrassing enough, MY GRADUATION CAP FELL OFF.
Out of the blue! Randomly! By itself ! Like, I felt it slipping off my head so I grabbed it, but it still fell ._.
GAAARH, see what I mean by ultimate fail ?
hahaha. wonderful, ain't it ? :D
it was fun though. didn't stay to play flag football/basketball, though I kinda wanted to.
wait; playing in a dress? OH PSH, I could've totally done it ;]

~ Cyaaa !

Generation, Regeneration, and Degeneration.

We had Youth Group yesterday ! & like always, it was pretty deeeeep.
It was bizarre, how Christ died for OUR sins, and how when he died, the gates to the Garden of Eden were open, because we were cleansed & we were perfect in God's eyes.
Because our sins were washed away, by Christ.
The veil ripped. The gates were opened. He died for our sins.
So if Christ loved us till the end, and he wants us to do that..
He served us, and we should serve him too. Its not what makes us happy, its what makes othe rpeople happy, and by serivng people, we will be blessed, and the constantness will be there again.
(:

Maaaan, I love youth group. The lesssons are always so DEEEEP, & then we have fun after wards.
Teehee, "YAY, wo shi yi ge da ben dan ! "
That was hilarious ! :]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIHAN!! :D
I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT ONE (:

Vivi`s concert later ! :] CRAP, I still have to do my chinese school project- getting off blogspot; no more procrastination ! ;D
haha, peaaace.

My Old Blogspot

http://www.musicislov3.blogspot.com/ <-- that was my old one.
and so I was looking at it today, and I realized that I like that one better.
Gaaah, woes to me, eh ?
Haha, thats weird. but I like that one better because all my deep stuff is on it; so if you guys could follow that one too, that'd be great (:
You could follow both ! I'll be posting on both, whichever one I feel like, haha.
So follow both, pleeaase ?
Hehe, please & thank you; & then I'll follow you back ;D

Teehee, you know its appealing.
and someone; can you teach me how to get the music player on here?
I don't know how, haha.

(:

Loneliness

When Elias said how much he hated loneliness, I don't think I really understood.
But now that I do, I know what he means.
I hate feeling lonely.. the feeling that no one is here with you.. that one one will help you.. no one is there for you..
And you can't help wondering if they betrayed you/left you/are mad at you or not.
Yes, I say sorry alot. Why? Because I'm always afraid that someone I care about is mad at me. And I would hate that; because you don't know what happens from that point on.
Either if its forgiveness or they hold a grudge.. I don't think anything will ever be the same.
Because in your concsience, you know that it happened.. and for some reason that obstacle in your relationship with you and that friend just doesn't seem to disappear, no matter how much you want to smooth it over .
I hate being lonely. I hate feeling helpless and that I have to face everything alone. But its time to face reality- sometimes you have to be alone. Sometimes, its a test.

But really... you're never alone. No matter how alone you feel.
God is, and will always be with you.
Doesnt that just make you feel so...wonderful?
Even if you feel that you're alone.. you don't have anyone..
remember that you always DO have someone... no matter what happens, and no matter what will happen.
God is always with you.
You've heard that poem before.. right?

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticedthat during the low periods of my life,when I was suffering fromanguish, sorrow or defeat,I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,“You promised me Lord,that if I followed you,you would walk with me always.But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my lifethere have only been one set of footprints in the sand.Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,is when I carried you.”

So, there it is, everyone. God will always be with you and help you through the obstacles in your life.. and I suppose, that will just make your relationship with God even the more stronger..

And Elias' sermon always gets to me, especially recently, since its my last year and I know I'll have to be saying goodbye soon.

I won't be saying permanent goodbyes.

I'll see you all again. I know I will.

God Loves Us All. (:

Baron Chen!

BARON CHEN :D

I think he is so hottt!

He's from Fated to Love You!

I wish I had a boyfriend/brother like that. He was really sweet..

& He's superduper adorable/hot, so thats a plus.

In that case, I wish I had a BOYFRIEND like him.

^-^ Xin Yi should've gone with Dylan! (the guy Baron plays) instead of Cun Xi, but I understand why she did; Cun Xi was pretty hawt tooo !

^-^ He was also adorable, haha. But I think Baron Chen > Ethan Ruan.

:D If you're smart, you could figure out that Ethan Ruan = Cun Xi.

Heehee, Baron sounds like the dude from Harry Potter ! :D

I LOVE BARON CHEN. & Fated To Love You.

Bullfighting OST & Boys Over Flowers, HERE I COME! :]

Last Band Concert today !

It was really depressing, yet really happy at the same time.
I must say, I will miss middle school & all the people in it.
Perhaps not my 8th grade friends; because they'll all be with me next year.
Except for Brianna and Karen. We'll keep in touch though. We better.
But I'll miss my teachers; I've been with Mrs. Miceli for 5 years ! ):
And I'm gonna miss my 6th and 7th grade bestfriends.
Sean, Brandon, Max, Danny, Nicholas, Nabeel, Shalini, Sam, Melanie, Amie, Lillian, and so on.
& Did I say Sean, Brandon, Max, Danny, and Nicholas?
Boy, I'll miss them.
]: They're cooool.
I guess it's not the time for 8th grade reflection blog yet; that'll be graduation.
Pictures @ Graduation- they better happen.
:] 8th grade has been fun. Memories made. Time for high school ?!
Gaaaah.

siblings.

To most people, siblings are a pain in the butt.
I want siblings.
I hate being alone at home sometimes; and sometimes I just need someone to be there.
Sure, I have my friends. But they won't be there for you every time you need them. They'll be busy; and I'll feel bad getting them to help me out anyway.
How about siblings, though? they can be busy too, can't they? Well, yeah. But I still wish I had a sibling; so that sometimes I wouldn't have to go through my problems alone, I'd have someone to talk to and someone I could trust..
You know what I mean. I'm pretty sure some of you guys have had this feeling before.
But I just really wish that I had an older brother/sister.
Too late for that now, huh?
Haha. Sometimes when I don't know what to do.. the thing I need the most is someone to talk to.
But for some reason, I can never bring myself to bring up the topic- I just can't seem to be able to start talking about my problems with people I know & care about; my friends.

Second Blogger Thing!

HEYGUEIZ.
I'm making a new blogspot, because my old sn was just stupid; haha.
& Some of you might think, well, whats the biggie about this one?
I mean, Superbahtzang; REALLY ?!
Haha, yes. Its more like an inside joke- but its fun ^-^
& Bahtzangs are just delicious, no?
Heehee, so follow me on this one- I need to get Becky to follow this one instead of my musicislov3 one, but its alright.
This one's gonna be so much better, yay! (:
Hahaha, at least.. I hope. (:
I'm supposed to be doing homework ; just finished Fated to Love You, the drama!
It be really good; though the end was kinda expected, and yet unexpected !
Teehee, you'll understand if you watch it ;D
I'm gonna make more blogs today; so I'm gonna end this now :D
Holler (=