I'm sick.

I'm sick of people judging me.
I'm sick of thinking that I have to change in order for people to like me.
I'm sick of being left behind.
I'm sick of no one caring.
I'm sick of pretending.
I'm sick of IGNORANCE.
I'm sick of people not accepting me for who I really am.
I'm sick of having to do something for someone else.
I'm sick of feeling like I have to do something in order for people to like me.
I'm sick of having to act some specific way for acceptance.
I'm sick of not being accepted.
I'm sick of betrayal.
I'm sick of feeling left out.
I'm sick of feeling like I don't belong.
I'm sick of people making me feel like I don't belong.
I'm sick of people pretending to be something they're not.
I'm sick of society.
I'm sick of all people do in order to fit in.
I'm sick of the things people say and do to get a reputation.
I'm sick of the pressure you get from society.
I'm sick of judgment from a first look.
I'm sick of being used.
I'm sick of being so easily disposable.
I'm sick of social groups and cliques.
I'm sick of being forgotten.
I'm sick of feeling like you have no friends.
I'm sick of feeling alone.
I'm sick of just being there.
I'm sick of people conforming to society.
I'm sick of people.




sometimes, I really like just being by myself.
being antisocial.
just, nothing and no one but me and my music, and myself.

just, keeping to myself.

feeling like I don't need anyone else.

but yet I do.

I'm really sick of the PEOPLE in this world.

and

I'm really sick of SOCIETY and the way it changes them.

sometimes, I just like being alone.





but no, not always.

The power of music.

I like so much, how music can get you through anything.
how, whatever you're going through or however you feel, there's always that ONE SONG, or that one playlist that can make you feel better.
I don't know about you guys, but to me, Music fixes everything.
am I overdramaticizing everything? perhaps.

but I speak the truth when I say for myself, that I feel like whenever something happens in my life that I feel like no one else can help me and I don't want to talk to anyone,

I just listen to some music and it's not that the problem's gone, it's just that, it's shoved out of the way temporarily, my mood is lifted, my mind is cleared, and I just don't have a care in the world.

the 3 minutes of pure joy.

and sometimes, there's just that one song that I feel was written for me.
it just explains my life.
it's like, they knew I'd listen to it, and wrote it JUST FOR ME.
ever feel like that?
it's like. wow, the music really speaks to me.
it hits me in the gut.
and I remember it. it's just so deep, so powerful.
I don't know. I'm weird. haha.

also, when the music you're listening to corresponds with what you're doing.
for example, I was riding a bike one day and I was riding up a hill when my song switched to 'Defying Gravity' from Wicked, and I felt so immensely cool and powerful when I realized that the song matched what I was doing.

ahha, anyway. um. I'm making something really simple into something really deep.
ha, sorry. but does anyone else feel this way?
that sometimes, music can just clear your mind temporarily, have you forget about everything bad, and just, let you forget.

at least at the moment.




I think it's wonderful. whenever something happens & I'm feeling down, sometimes you have that moment where you just hate everyone, y'know? for no apparent reason? like PMS? 'cept not PMS? haha, well, it's like... sometimes I just don't want to talk to anyone about it, and talking or doing anything is just not what I want to do at the moment.

but for some reason, when I turn on my music, I just, forget all that happened. Dare I say, my mood gets infinitely better when I start listening to my music, even if it's music that no one else likes, or no one else cares about. I start feeling better, almost automatically.

magic?



I think yes. :)



oh, man. where would I be without music? ha.




mm, gotta go, gonna go listen to some more music before I get to bed.









^ what I'm listening to right now. this dude is like. my hero.

DeviantArt & Flickr anyone? :)

hahaha, I just looked at it and I had 69 posts... but now I'm ruining it because this is my 70th, teehee.

anyway, I was going to make this an extremely like meaningful blog, or attempt to... but, I forgot what I was going to talk about.

well, kind of. I'm just too lazy right now. and I need to stop procrastinating on AP Euro homework. rah!

but I do have something to say, in this special 70th post that just killed the magical 69 posts.

so, I don't know how many people out there read this, or know this about me, but I'm aspiring to become a photographer.

foolish aspiration, perhaps... but we'll see how it goes.

mmeh, well you guys don't have to, but in case you're interested, I'd love some constructive (or not so constructive) criticism, haha. s'all good, I'm ok with it. you guys are helping me, anyways. so thanks. haha, if you decide to browse through some of my stuff while procrastinating? ;)

DeviantArt: http://superbahtzang.deviantart.com/
Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/maria_lee/

alright, Idk why one is hyperlinked and the other isn't... but I use DeviantArt more than Flickr, 'cause flickr has a monthly limit as to how many pictures you can have... and I'm Asian, so of course I can't update it to pro, or whatever.

haha, but if you guys want to. you don't have to. :D thanks though!





HOLLER.

After The Rain//Summer 2010

Summer 2010!

Today was the last day of school. well, more like Yesterday, 'cause right now it's 3 AM.

I just can't go to sleep. I'm still processing all that happened yesterday.

I'm going to refer to "yesterday" as "today" by the way, 'cause to me, it's still June 4, 2010.

So yesterday, was probably the happiest day I've had in a long while.

After school I was overwhelmed with joy. I am SO happy that I am out of school. like, really. I was ecstatic. and then I wen to lunch with some of my friends, and then that was just awesome. I felt so happy that I could spend time with my friends, that that just made me so happy. I came home, took a 2 hour nap. that was so relaxing. I'm so glad finals are over and I don't have to worry about anything. Summer homework can wait a few days.

I went to the Senior graduation. it was so wonderful. I loved so much the rain. I loved it. it started raining, more like down pouring. but it was beautiful. the sun came out-- and it was still raining.
for all my life, I'd wanted to see rain while it's sunny outside. and I saw it today. it was so awesome. I really wanted to go outside and skip in the rain, but I couldn't for two reasons. Mr. Walsh would yell at me so much, and also my dress was kinda short and I can't skip without it going up and all the guys seeing inappropriate things, if you get my drift. but today was so good. the graduation- let's get to that. the music we played was beautiful. by the way, a rainbow appeared after the rain. I love it after the rain. AFTER THE RAIN.

oh man. beautiful. it turned out to be a BEAUTIFUL day with clouds, light blue skies, and sun. my favorite. what made it better, I was with friends and I was watching my closest friends graduate. my main point is- I love it after the rain.

AFTER THE RAIN.
it shows that everything will get better. even though the rain will bring everything down and rain will be sad, in the end the sun comes out, and it's just beautiful. the weather is amazing, and it's beautiful outside. all the weather gets better and the rain disappears. sometimes a rainbow even appears. it's amazing. I love it after the rain, with all my heart. every time after the rain, I go outside and I just stand there, take pictures, and take in how beautiful it is. I can't even explain how much I love everything after the rain. it's so awesome.
"Every mushroom cloud has a silver lining."

whoop whoop! I'm so excited! it's summer it's summer! summer of 2010! summer of the decade! woot! I'm so excited- live it up!

i'll post late. this is one of my more happier posts. :) it's cause I had such a happy day today. I am truly SO happy. I'm overjoyed. I feel that good feeling in my heart, you know? it's such a good feeling.


live up summer 2010, guys. Appreciate it after the rain. Don't take things for granted. Enjoy it while it lasts. Enjoy the little things. Live, Love, Laugh, Summer 2010.