And if you come around again, then I will take the chain from off the door

Adsfajewklsdfjakdslf. I don't believe in relationships. I just never think that they'll last. I just haven't seen one example of a relationship that's lasted for a long period of time, no matter how perfect they seem for each other. (In high school, at least. College relationships, I think, can last.)but, pretty much, I don't believe in relationships in high school. so then, why is it that at this point in my life I can't help but want what I believe doesn't exist? The guy who asked me to homecoming. we're really good friends, I'd say. and I think I like him. like, LIKE LIKE him. hahaa. I hate admitting that to myself, though. I don't like liking someone. It makes me feel vulnerable; my feelings are too easily affected, merely by what someone else says or does. But.. it's just the idea of flattery, I guess. I'm flattered he even wants to go to homecoming with me. and I think because of this level of flattery that I feel, I'm in a way obligated to like him. that sounds weird. 'obligated' to like him. that's not exactly what I mean, though. like, I like him out of my own free will- it's just, I don't feel like I'm good enough for the kid. like, he could do so much better. Sometimes I catch moments where he /might/ show signs of liking me - but then again, I misread signs and I over interpret the little things that happen.. but gosh, if he did like me, man that'd be unbelievable. like, literally, I wouldn't believe it. it's just.. so weird. knowing that someone likes me. or, not knowing, but potentially thinking that maybe he does. hahaha. I just don't think I'm worth people liking me, y'know? gah, this low self esteem crap has got to go, haha. but man. if he does, I'd be flattered out of this world. mm, bedtime. seeya'll later.

hi, I think I like you.

so I was asked to homecoming, nbd. hahahalike, last week. hahah. a little late on the update, I know. I can't help myself from thinking that maybe the guy I'm going with is just too good for me - like I don't deserve to be going to homecoming with him. I feel like he could be doing so much better, and I don't really know why he asked me. that was all that was running through my head last week. 2 of my friends gave me pep talks, which helped a bit haha. I guess you could say my confidence level was below sea level last week. It got better when I realized I was nominated for Homecoming Court & a lot of my friends came up to me and told me they voted for me. I didn't win, and honestly I didn't really want to win, but I was still flattered knowing that people voted for me.but now the problem is - I don't know if I like this kid or not. nonono, like we're really good friends. I just don't know if I like like him or not. I think a lot of it is the fact that I tend to crush on people easily, kind of. Another big part of it is the fact that I'm flattered that he even asked me to homecoming in the first place. I mean, granted, he probably just asked me as a friend, but still, in my crazy 16 year old head, I keep thinking that maybe there's a slim 1% chance that he might like me. I think maybe it's just because maybe I'm flattered and, well, honored that he's even liking me/having an interest in me in the first place. we're also pretty good friends, so I guess that contributes some crazy way. I don't know if I like him or not. I'm still trying to figure out my feelings. Gah, feelings suuuck.