feelings. a lot of them.

okay, so one minute, you can feel like your involved, since they talked to you, or you just feel like you're part of a group.
but then something could happen and you're not even being mentioned, it's like you're just there to watch the words flow by and watch the fun.
it's like, you're not even there.
I used to think that there might be no place for me in this world.
and sometimes, I still think that.
that I really don't belong, and I'm not supposed to be here.

I usually just keep all my feelings in,
and locked up.
I usually don't like sharing my problems, it makes me feel a sense of weakness and just.. weird.
so I just keep it all in.

I noticed two things today, in the most surprising way possible.
letting go of your feelings may be hard,
but after you let go,
you let it all out, its gone, and you start afresh.
though you know more feelings may come and you might pent them up again,
you've got to let them out, sometime or later.
because when you do,
it's the new beginning,
the one everyone needs, once in a while.

the other thing I noticed;
I let go to my mom today, which is basically probably the hardest thing for me to do,
and yet, she's the easiest person I can open up for.
funny, huh?
anyway.. I told her how sometimes, I feel like there's no place for me in the world,
how I'm not meant to be here,
and I wouldn't make a difference.
though she didn't give me a direct answer,
I basically figured out, either from her explanations or my own thoughts,
that everyone has a place in this world.
it might not be visible yet,
and you might not be able to see what you were meant to do,
but it will come to you,
sooner or later,
and you'll find that you do belong,
and you had a place in the world all along..
it just took you a while to find this place.

I usually look on the bad side of things.
funny, coming from me.
but, I think I do.
when something's said to me..
I notice the BAD thing, and take most impact based on what that was.
say it was an insult.
I might appear to be confident and not care..
but that's what I remember.
the bad thing said to me, that's what takes the most impact on me,
and that's what I remember inside, and I seem to forget every other little good thing.

sometimes, yes, I feel like I don't belong.
it's like.. one minute, I'm happy, and in a group..
then something happens. it just dawns over me, and I open my eyes again,
and its like.. I'm not part of it anymore.
I'm not supposed to be there,
like, well, maybe I am, but I'm supposed to be there just to watch it go on.
just to watch people have fun, talk the night away.
like.. I don't belong there, I belong somewhere else,
where I'm welcome.
but where is that place?


that's the question, isn't it?